My Angel

Oh Lord please send me an angel
To lead me out of this place,
Take me a away,awaaaay awaaaaaaaay
Far away
To better days
My angel, my Mom,
Have you ever felt there is an angel follows you and keeps his eyes on you? That’s me and mummy, I feel she’s my angel, she feels me, watch me even when I feel she’s away from me, whenever I start feeling lonely or sad she approves the contrary immediately.
sHe’s literally my ANGEL, I want her to take me away awaaaaaaaaay far away from this place. Where we can be just us and nothing but us…
Oh Lord please send me an angel ,,
Have a nice weekend bloggers

Sickness

I've been sick since last Thursday, it begun like a fever and the doctor gave me 2 shots and I started feeling well until Saturday, when my voice completely changed and the fever circle started. I was attending my physiotherapy session when I started sweating without any reason, it was a cold room and I was feeling very cold and I started sweating and then my throat pain begun "sore throat".

Around 1 pm I started feeling dizzy but I tried to ignore it to not get sick more than that. Sunday was very difficult day my throat was aching and ooh my God I felt the pain will kill me ; I left work early I went to the hospital I needed anything to kill that pain, I can't talk I can't swallow I can't drink; I hated that feeling.

Monday - yesterday was the worse day , I had fever again at work it comes and goes until now , and I was very tired and my voice, throat and head weren't fine, and I wasn't having good mood since I woke up I tried to overcome that but I couldn't, I don't sleep well and can't eat + my sickness and the pain I feel in my body and my heavy legs , that was a lot. I left work I went to the hospital the doctor gave me another shot and he changed my medications and I took the new ones and I became sleepy and dizzy I went to my bed I slept from 5 pm to 2 am , I woke up and my head was very heavy and I felt drunk cuz I can't even realize where am I and what time it is! . I slept again and woke up 6 am. I felt very fine and active around 7:30am I started feeling tired again but I stayed at work, I feel very lonely I don't know I just feel sad, and wish things were different , I felt I want to run away to anywhere nowhere in particular but I need to go away. This loneliness really killing me :(.

Today I woke at 6:00 am as I said and I thought I'm tougher than what I thought and it was the opposite , I became very tired at work, and I felt very cold. I left my desk couple of times seeking for sun warmth. All in all I feel very sick at the moment, I don't feel fine at all. I need to figure out a plan and just run away to be with myself a bit, J really needs a break .

Good night bloggers

The End

Have you ever felt that you are afraid of writing the end of a story that u wrote? This is me ; in the past I used to write short stories and novels, until now I do but something happened to me lately, that I'm always afraid of writing the end :(. Lately almost the majority of my stories are metaphorical stories about me and people I love , and somehow that made me feel afraid of writing the end.

This end could be happy and could be sad, and I know I'll put a lot of hope upon what I'm going to write and always will feel myself attached too but I don't want too. I want to write the end in the right time when I know exactly where am I standing, where am I going , what is the next chapter , am I going to write it with someone or I will write it alone which really freaks me out.. And a lot of questions that I can't have an answer for right now ...

I'm having a great deal of faith and hope, and power to visualise what I'm planning for and where I'm going to, though sometimes, I need to back off a bit to re-evaluate my position and situation, just like when I feel during writing a story I'm approaching the end but I'm not sure and don't know what happen next...

Let's hope, that soon I'll be writing the end, and the end which satisfy's and pleases me. As long as God with me I have nothing to be afraid of and nothing can stop in my way to achieve what I want.

Tip of today: always have faith and believe 1st, on God , 2nd , on your self and what you can do.

Good night bloggers

One Thousand and One Nights

He was Shahryar and I was Shahrazad, but in very different time and location, I used to be the one who tells the story, while I’m keeping him in my arms, and taking his fears out of his heart and hands , I start tell him stories about two lovers, where in the middle ages, he was the king and I was the maid and how he noticed me, what were our first words, how we fell in love with each other, and how that maid turned to the Queen of his heart.
He was and I was, both two pieces in that chess board, with that distance between us which we can’t change now, and we have to accept …with the sound of that flute, while I’m telling him our story, and his head is resting in my chest, after that long day, and his lovely eyes are closed, while he’s taking relaxed breath and holding me tight, “say it, what happened next to the king? Did he tell her he loves her?”
He was my own Shahryar and I was his own Shahrazad who used to tell him very interesting stories, but not to save her life, No,,she’s saying these stories to make sure he’ll never forget her and to give him a beautiful view of their love from different ages and countries.. Sometimes she wasn’t able to express how she feels ..So she chosen to be Shahrzad to tell him everything inside her heart ,,,
And when Shahryar falls asleep, she kisses his lovely eyes before she leaves,,praying he won’t forget her when he wake up,,and with this huge deal of sorrow and sadness she leaves him, with great deal of hope to see him again tomorrow ,

written by my imagination pen
Good night bloggers

Home alone

My family just left to Jed and I'm staying home, I couldn't go with them 1st because of my walking difficulties, 2nd because I have work . Yesterday was a very busy day I was all day out helping my mum to get all the needed stuff for their trip, we were back home around 11 pm, I hoped we were back earlier so I could have dropped by my best friend Sozo at least for one hour I miss her soooo much, and I feel very guilty towards her I've been so busy with my work and my courses and didn't give her enough time, that's bad , she needs me + she's pregnant and I'm sure if I was in her situation she wouldn't leave me at all. I'll make it up for her this week as long as I'm alone and no more family engagements.
So, because I'm homealone,I already planned with my friend Wij for tomorrow ; she won't leave me alone, she'll come to my place and we'll have lunch together and she'll stay with me until bed time then she'll leave, can't wait. Today was super boring day and I can imagine how this week will be and I can sense it will be the busiest week ever , this how things go these days, no problem still can manage. The most important thing is not getting sick; otherwise , seriously I'll need someone with me 24/7. Why am I saying this ! Cuz today until 5 minutes ago I was sneezing + I had fever this afternoon and running nose , let's hope it's false alarm. All in all I have to read something to help me sleep and to take my painkillers because my knees are giving me pretty hard time specially at night, so catch ya later
Good night bloggers .

J in Wonderland

Yesterday I bought two books; one is Alice in wonderland and the other was a collection of Shakespeare’s tales. So, I started reading Alice in wonderland and believe it or not, I slept and I found myself there, and it was one of the most beautiful places you’d ever visit and your eyes will ever see. It was an adventure and how it began, and how it goes right now and how it will remain, it’s my won wonderland where I can live within my own roles, no more boundaries no more limitations I’ve nothing to think about except this adventure I’m living : ).
Moving from one place to another in that unknown world, within it beauty and magic, where everything could come true once we believe and have faith. My wonderland which I’m going to take my mom too soon, I’m very sure she will love it, and we can run away to our wonderland whenever we miss each other and live with our own roles. I want to be a butterfly once we reach there, I’ll just spring my wings and I’ll fly ,,I’ll finally will be free even from my own fears; I’m free, I’m closing my eyes now and imagining how charming it is and how free I am and my soul …
To be fair, I have to make all my mother's wishes true before I become a Butterfly, I’ll simply say “your wishes are my command; ask me whatever you want and all your wishes will be true as long as you are in J’s wonderland” I’ll make everything true for her, and once I do, I’m gonna go to live my life as a butterfly, magical one.
Sometimes, our wishes can be true only when we live in our own wonderland, these days I’m living my own story in my own wonderland, If you want to join me; just get your own ticket to J’s wonderland and you’ll enjoy a part of your future through my wonderland, which will guide you to achieve all your dreams.
Tip of the day: if you want something or someone, always believe in yourself, and have faith. If you want to visit J’s wonderland, make sure to get your ticket, and enjoy your trip in my magical space..
Sweet dreams and good night bloggers

New Course new Stories

Just When I was telling my friends that’s finally I’ll be free night times because I’m almost done with my PMP course, I got involved in another course but day time course; so, I’m attending this class instead of the ITA and here where the story begin, first of all we have the instructor story
First, yesterday after I reached my office IT Director called me to ask about my opinion on this course and I said “send someone instead of you” I didn’t know that means he’s going to say “then it’s you” hahahahahaha and I replied “ as you like it’s up to you”, I went to the course location and here the comedy begins. I was late and when I got to the class the instructor was shouting and I was like :O and somehow “WTF” so, I was looking for my place and they said I have to take the ITA chair and I did, I was about to sit when this lunatic instructor started hitting himself in his head and his neck very hard and I was like OMG what’s that !! and I was really shocked and very scare, I’m in physic class :O, I wanted to go back but my friends who are attending the same class waved to me and convinced me to not leave and he did it before, so that means I’m safe.
He kept hitting himself and I was really afraid, so I sent my friend sms telling her lucky you, you are not attending this class with this lunatic, she started sending me sms’s which made me feel this is the hardest class ever, I couldn’t concentrate , All in all it was so far a perfect day,
Tip of the day: enjoy every moment with your friends, you never know, you might never get the chance to do it again with them, may Allah accept all your prayers and all your wishes come true. Sweet dreams bloggers.

Today

I was walking with bare feet on the mud over the shore, and I was drawing with my fingers on the sands, the weather was perfect it wasn’t very sunny nor cloudy day, it had a shy sunlight which was playing my curly hair while that moist wind was moving my earrings with it,,I was wearing short white dress, and kinda lost in the space and I forgot which direction I supposed to take back . Therefore, I picked a small blue mat and put it by the water and let the water play with my feet and moving my ankle bracelet… I was watching the sky and I took a deep breath in and then out and closed my eyes ,,and I heard them coming towards me; so I opened my eyes and I’ve seen them approaching me,,,,, I look around where should I go? Though they were getting closer and closer I didn’t move at all..
Up wake up,,, I opened my eyes and I was in my bed and my mum and my sister were trying to wake me up; for a moment I didn’t know where am I and I was trying to ask, when I felt pain in my head and I can’t move fast, “ you fainted, are you ok ? you look white” believe it or not I can’t remember what happened before my dream or call it whatever you want to call it , it was a dream at least for me ,,,
funny !! and strange

Wednesday

I can’t believe its Wednesday; my weekend just begun, I felt overwhelmed during this week because of the course and studying and everything. Thanks God I feel I achieved more than I planned for and really I believe now in the effectiveness of the positive thinking and how this changed me so far, though a lot of irritating things happened but I kept ignoring them to not give them the chance to effect my mood and spoil it ! And it workssss
Generally it was long week
All in all I don’t wanna talk about this subject, we are invited tomorrow over dinner in my friends’ house I’m not excited about it but as long as my mum and sisters are going I have to join them, so I finally bought a dress actually I bought 2 , one of them is silk silver with leather belt and the other looks like roman Togo and it’s gray but I hate the color ; and I think I’m going to wear it because I’m out of time and don’t want to look for something else,, I wanted to have peaceful weekend where I can study and try to sleep and having hot packs for my back and cold ones for my knees and that’s it ,,but no problem I hope I enjoy it ,,
Tip of today: think positively and, try to enjoy your weekend as much as you can
Good night bloggers

Mission accomplished

I’ve decided last night that from today I’m going to change myself and think differently and actually this helped me so far to have peace at least with myself, I didn’t feel angry at all today I was smiling all the day regardless the pain I was feeling which is increasing and I don’t know why but I generally felt happy and optimistic very optimistic.
I made a deal with my mind to start functioning in certain way and I think I succeeded apparently in configuring my mind. So, I was very excited about today’s morning meeting with the CEO, not excited to see the CEO or the content of the meeting ; no it was my project which gonna be presented and I wanted to be there ; nothing more nor less and I feel very satisfied and happy too and that’s why I said “ mission accomplished”.
My deal with myself and my mind is to start thinking positively and using my mind’s power and made it works for my own goodness, so there’s one employee who’s working with me and he thinks I’m competing with him while I didn’t even think about him and kept giving me that face:|, which tells you “caution, it’s high pressure device” lol I feel he is carrying this sign above his head and that makes me laugh and it’s really funny!. I keep ignoring him and I don’t even bother myself by giving him a space of my peace because he doesn’t even deserve it UNLESS I want to laugh I start remembering his reactions towards my comments lol which is really really funny .
All what am doing is making peace with myself so maybe in some point I get to understand me and my reactions and why I do things that I don’t want to do but I feel something inside me pushes me to do it !! Better understanding ummm yeah ; I believe let’s say that until I find another term which is more specific and describing. All in all I feel good towards life as a whole I miss this feeling; honestly this is the first time I feel good towards life.
Tip of today: try to think positively and believe in what you want and someday all your wishes will come true.
Good night bloggers

Swan Lake

I’ve been listening to the Swan Lake music of Tchaikovsky, when it takes you to what’s behind this universe, to discover later than you were all the time in one star but in the other side where u feel it’s different planet… amazing view, clear sky, jasmine breeze taking those trees leaves around you and create that beautiful drawing which you can’t take your eyes of.

Breath taking, unbelievable, lying down watching those sparkly starts while hearing the water murmur and smelling the berry’s tree fragrance.. it’s like wonderland.. and over there just up in the air that golden fairy blowing that magical dust upon you and takes you Faaaaaaaaaar away to the infinity …

Just like a summer night dream, that was my dream while I was listening to Swan Lake where I used to dive in the past, when there weren’t any type of mankind and I was captivated in that enchanted planet with that magical dust and my fairy which entertain me and be my only connection to the future ,,,

It was one summer night, in my mind, where all these doubts playing with my head until my fairy came and saved me..

Good night bloggers

I miss K

Last night and today have lots of tragedy, K left me I can’t believe that he’s not coming to my room anymore!. Before he leaves, he said “do you want me to carry you ?” just like when I left the hospital after my operation. Oh my God, I couldn’t stop crying and I can’t too. My mum was trying her best to comfort me when she felt I’m breaking down and I can’t stand it. I’m getting over sensitive and I don’t know why, I was tougher when my bro Youyou left I did cry but not as much as I did last night and today.
I wish I have wings so I can just fly to them and be with them, it’s very hard feeling there’s no male by your side to protect you, yes they are younger than me and I’m the oldest though I feel we still close to each other and we still kids and we didn’t grow up yet. With my Dad distance and my brothers aren’t here; I feel not existed and alone very alone.
I used to think “whenever I fall K will pick me up; whenever I cry Youyou will take my tears, but now, none of them is by my side; I feel they all left me and I’m again alone. It’s not about needing someone to look after me but having brothers like mine is very rare.
Our cousin, A spent the night here with us, whenever I see his pictures with K I start crying, they were like twins no one can split them and now they are splitting. I asked him to not leave me, not because K left me he stop dropping by and visiting us like usual , I couldn’t hold my tears and I cried and he cried too, he said I can’t do it you are my oldest sis and nothing gonna change this fact. Even that didn’t change the fact he’s not K and K left me.
Tip of today: don’t cry that much when someone leaves you, eventually they will return back to you. Always try to be next to your brothers and they will be next to you; especially when you need them. Don’t let your sadness changes anything in your soul or heart
Sweet dreams bloggers, good night